Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Mommy Bouncer

With just 20 days before my little guy gets on the big yellow bus, I’m wishing something awful I could push the pause button on the clock.  Somehow, sending this one off to kindergarten is hitting me much harder than it did with his older brothers.

He’s little for his age.  And really shy.  And need I say, he’s my baby?

In my head, I know it’s time.  Yet the worries refuse to stop squeezing my heart…

Have I prepared him enough?  What if no other little boy wants to be his friend?  Or what if bigger kids pick on him?  What if he has trouble adjusting to the structure?  What if the teacher doesn’t recognize his wiggle for what it is and send him to the bathroom in time??

Ack!  I know it’s silly.  I’d be the first to encourage another mom that everything will be just fine.  So why can’t I convince myself?

Last night was the first night of VBS at our church.  And I didn’t have any assigned responsibilities.  I helped here and there.  But I mostly spied. 

Shamelessly SPIED, I tell you.  (Isn’t that terrible?  Lol!)

And what I saw calmed a few of the jitters for me. 

listeningIn his group of 32  K-1st graders, when most of the other little bodies were dancing jigs, looking at the decorations, or picking their noses (aren’t you glad I cropped that out for you?!), my little guy was right where he needed to be.  And his attention was spot on.

I didn’t see him speak a single word to anyone the whole night.  But he was all eyes.  And he stuck with the group.  And he did what he was told... 

…until game time. 

The K-1st graders were combined with the equally huge group of 2nd and 3rd graders.  And the adults were spread pretty thin.

After I helped corral the kids into smaller relay teams, I left to take two little girls on an emergency bathroom run. 

When I got back, my little guy was hanging way back from his team, all alone in the field.  Unnoticed by the adults.  And near tears.

Apparently, the other little boys and girls on his team had told him to “move back” repeatedly so they could go again.  So when everyone else had had multiple turns, he hadn’t gone even once yet.

Stifling the urge to deck the little bullies (in the name of God, of course), I told him to get back in line.  The right place in line.  And to stand his ground.  I also informed the kids in his group that they needed to go all the way to the end of the line after their turn. 

But most paid no attention.  Kids behave so differently than they did when I was that age.  Or even when I taught that age.  There seems to be little respect for adults, even among church kids.  

So as I watched my little guy drive the chariot and enjoy the turn he almost didn’t have…Race…the worries about school and his shyness put a strangle on my heart. All over again.

I’d love to be his body guard.  I think I’d make a pretty good bouncer.  But as much as I long to, I can’t follow him to school.  And sooner or later, he has to learn how to handle these kinds of situations on his own.

So what’s a mom to do? 

1.  My head tells me trust.  Trust that the God who loves him even more than I do will never leave his side.  And that my little guy will learn all the little lessons that will help him grow into the kind of man God wants him to be. 

2.  And supply endless hugs at the end of the day.


I’ll need them.


Mari said...

Oh yes - I can just feel this. My kids were all somewhat shy too and I know what you mean about wanting to get in there and give those other kids a talking too.
He'll do fine - he'll probably find some kids who are also quiet to be friends with, and that will work out well!

It Feels Like Chaos said...

Oh, I'm so there with you! I'm sending my baby girl to Kindergarten in a few weeks and I'm so not ready! It was definitely easier sending her big brother. She's my shy one, the one of my three who's always been clingy to me. But, she has come out of her shell a bunch in the last year, I think she's ready, but I know I'll cry all the way home after dropping her off! I've said it before and I'll say it again, "I don't know how anyone sends a child off to kindergarten without believing in and trusting God to take care of that baby!" Sending you hugs from one mama's heart to another!